FINDING STRENGTH AFTER SETBACKS

Published: 12/12/2025 | Written by: David Van Wetherill

After retiring from Paralympic sport in 2021, David Van Wetherill set out to test how far he could push himself. This year brought incredible highs – but also the kind of setbacks that shape an athlete even more deeply. Here, he shares what happens when ambition meets reality, and the lessons he’s learning in the space between the two.

There are many stoic lessons I’ve learned and consolidated along my journey through fitness and disability, some of which led me to the challenge of completing a 3.8km swim, followed by a one-legged 180km bike, followed by a full 42km crutch marathon.

Becoming an IRONMAN has been a dream of mine for a long time – it’s not a challenge for the faint-hearted, let alone for someone living with a painful bone condition. Spoiler alert: DNF. I Did Not Finish.

WHEN THE FINISH LINE DOESN’T ARRIVE

I reached the half-marathon stage of the run before I could go no further, battling every ounce of physical and mental strength that I possess, as well as the time cut-offs, until my body could physically move no more.

I’d dreamt of those finish-line moments, and I believed that if I made it to the run, sheer heart and grit would carry me home. But heart and grit don’t protect the bones, and each fall on the cobbles chipped away more than just energy.

Let’s not deny it – this race truly broke me.

FINDING INSPIRATION

There is a certain silence after a dream collapses – the kind that tends to ring louder than any finish-line cheer. Yes, of course, there is great disappointment. There is a mixture of pain, a dash of guilt, even some relief, especially after pouring so much time, energy and heart into something.

Why does a small part of me feel satisfied? Why couldn’t I just carry on?

It is very easy to beat yourself up and overanalyse everything following a perceived failure, especially when it means so much. And it’s completely natural to want to judge outcomes. But here’s the truth: nothing is ever wasted, nothing is lost. I’ve learned that there is no “almost.” Experience is the greatest teacher. Every step is all part of the tapas of being fully immersed in life, and every setback is part of the fire that shapes who we are.

I’ve learned that we can absolutely hold both pride and disappointment, both pain and gratitude, without attaching to either.

REFRAMING FAILURE

I have tried to describe my thoughts and feelings – a blueprint for acceptance – through Stoicism. The more I reflect, the more I question: how did I actually do that? To reach as far as I did in an IRONMAN feels like a borderline miracle when put in the context of my journey from not being able to walk, and it goes far beyond what I previously thought was possible.

I think that’s the point – you don’t have to KNOW. You just have to get out there and DO.

To chase something bigger and give everything knowing you might break is its own kind of glory. It is not to be defeated but to be reminded of the gift of movement and that there are some goals so worthy that it feels glorious even to “fail.” Maybe, just maybe, you don’t know how well you are doing because you just keep raising the bar?

10 STOIC LESSONS ON COMEBACKS FOR EVERY ATHLETE

No matter where you are in your journey – whether you’re going to the gym for the first time, chasing your first HYROX race, or your tenth IRONMAN – the lessons of a setback, injury or even disability are universal. Shifting our perspectives on how we frame certain realities can be an incredibly powerful way of controlling our feelings and emotions.

Setbacks can be fuel for ultimate success, and there is a lesson thrown back with every flicker of adversity, should we choose to listen.

As Marcus Aurelius wrote, “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”

1. Live in the present moment. Stacking cumulative distances, worrying about injuries or keeping in mind the magnitude of future challenges can feel overwhelming.
2. Don’t be scared to come up short. Remember that fear stops more dreams from being realised than failure ever will. Be “The Man in the Arena” – it is not the critic who counts; the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; who strives valiantly; who errs; who comes short again and again...
3. Expect difficulties. The person who has anticipated the coming of troubles takes away their power when they arrive.
4. Focus on what you can control. Don’t wish for events to turn out the way you want; welcome events in whichever way they happen.
5. Redefine success. Sometimes showing up is the victory – it isn’t just achieving goals but giving it your all and doing the right thing, regardless of circumstances.
6. Don’t quit before the miracle! If you only do what you can do, you’ll never be more than you are – trust the process.
7. Stay adaptable. Adjust volume, intensity and expectations. Some things are in our control, and others not.
8. Be honest with yourself. Honest accountability. Ego is the enemy.
9. Celebrate small wins. Consistency beats perfection. Celebrate behaving like a human and the very act of growing through experience.
10. Pace yourself. Don’t rush the comeback. Recovery and finding stillness are all part of training – if you don’t choose your rest days, your rest days choose you.

GETTING BACK INTO TRAINING

After missing the completion of the race, I’d be lying if I said that getting back into training hasn’t been tough, despite the stoic techniques that I have come to practice. You can’t pour from an empty tank, but you also can’t stay still forever. What a person actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling towards some worthy goal.

Before I tackle another IRONMAN, next is HYROX – I have needed to refocus my training towards regaining muscular strength, which is so crucial to protecting my bones and stabilising my joints – the hybrid approach that is helping me train without limits, breaking down exactly how I’m rebuilding.

I have questioned in my mind whether my body would ever truly recover, given the inevitability of age and time, especially as my bone condition is degenerative. Was this my best and only chance to become an IRONMAN?

I think it’s important to recognise your internal dialogue when unhelpful thoughts start to creep in. These are completely normal, but to live in speculation is seldom helpful, and there is an art to recognising thoughts immediately so that you can begin to challenge yourself.

Things feel easy when you are thriving, but practising Stoicism is not the absence of pain or mental struggles – it is the ability to deal with them, through acceptance and virtue.

THE COMEBACK

The IRONMAN may have been unfinished, but it’s not over. I’m reminding myself that we suffer more in imagination than in reality, over events that may never come to pass. If anything, the fragilities of my body are a daily reminder for me to do my absolute utmost to maintain my strength and to just keep moving towards my dream.

Simply believe in the power that’s within you, at any given present moment, and use it. Take the rest as it comes.

If you’re reading this after your own setback, remind yourself – how lucky are we to move, to strive, to still have goals worth suffering for?

That’s not defeat – that’s gratitude. And it’s an opportunity to prove that we’re still in the fight.